Here's To A New Year...

This New Years I started the year off in a way that I can't say I've started a year off like before. As I sit here writing this at 12:40 a.m. January 1st I am not yet celebrating what the new year may bring but mourning the past year. A year that brought many many changes to my life. I think that most of them are for the better, even if some may not have seemed like it at the time. So before I begin my new, fresh, fantastic year I will mourn momentarily then move on from the year of this past. 

I mourn the loss of a fiance but am glad for the gain of a great friendship instead. A decision that wasn't an easy one to make but what was for the best. 

I mourn the loss of those wedding plans that were being made, the removal of the ring, the picture of me in my "perfect dress". 

I mourn the companionship lost. While I have always loved living by myself there are those moments of total loneliness that you just can't break. And having that person that is there pushing you when you need it and holding you up when you fall.

I mourn a great friend moving away and the loss of the daily contact that we've had for years.

I mourn the loss of "man's best friend" my dog, Zak. Who when an old ex who he lived with moved far away (Mexico) without me even having the chance to say goodbye to Zak. To truly know unconditional love you must have had a dog. Not a week goes by that I don't think of him and miss him.

I mourn the loss of time that I could have done better with my weight loss post-surgery.

I mourn the moments that I thought I should pick up the phone and call a friend or family member to just say hello and see how they are.. but never did.

I mourn the shell of the former me who is being shed, for she is someone that I was with for a long time and as I lose her I am open, exposed and vulnerable. 

Now with that said...

I celebrate and look forward in the new year to many things as well...

I look forward to making the most out of my weight loss and exercise this year. 

I look forward to meeting new friends, and telling old friends that I love them.

I look forward to rebuilding my new shell and learning more about who I really am, and celebrating my new self in all my glory.

I look forward to career advancements/changes. 

I look forward to learning how to really appreciate everything that I am, everything that my friends are and my family is and telling them so as often as I can, and that includes telling myself.

I look forward to being the skinny self I know is hiding inside of me who will be dressed as a cop!! 

Here's to you and yours and wishing you a very happy, healthy and wonderful new year!